don't get stuck in the snow

I WALKED TO CHURCH THROUGH THE SNOW the other day. There was no way I could get the car out, and it wasn't that far, so with boots tied up and a well-laden rucksack, I set off into the great white beyond. It was 7:35am and I was in the band for that day.

Halfway across the quiet, blanketed allotments, I stopped and had a thought. Tiny wet flakes joined me by settling on my coat, gloves and nose.

"Am I doing this because I have to, or because I want to?"

It was an interesting question. If I arrived and I wasn't needed, but still had the opportunity to stand in the congregation and encounter God anyway, would I be annoyed at having battled the elements to get there? If so, why?

If I arrived and it were cancelled because of the weather, and I had to walk home again, would I be upset? Or would I actually be relieved? What would my attitude be? And what would that tell me?

This kind of thing occurs to me a lot as a worship musician. We love what we do, but do we do it for for the right reason? And is there even a 'right' reason? What does God like the best? Something done out of duty, or out of sacrifice? Someone doing something out of having to, or out of wanting to?

The snow had no particular answers for me. I realised quickly that whatever else had made me wrap up and trek to church that morning, I was at least going there out of responsibility. But if that responsibility weren't there - if I didn't have to be there, or nobody at all needed me to be there, would I still want to go? Would I still want to worship?

It's a pretty big question. In the end I arrived and played, and we had an amazing morning. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it.

I think the answer then, might be that it's okay to be doing it for both reasons. What I mean is that you can't impress God with your service, but he does care about your heart. Psalm 51:17 says:

"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."

So it's really good to do things because you want to do them. Out there in the snowy allotments, I realised that my heart needed to be okay with not-playing as much as it needed to be okay with doing the thing I love.

But it's also really good to do things because you're serving faithfully and you've promised to do them. I don't think there was anything wrong with me pushing through the snow having committed to being there.

What did happen though, was that I pushed through the snow anyway. In fact, a little later on my journey, I realised that that in itself was a time of 'worship'. It made me chuckle.

So here's my top-tip this week: it's always good to ask yourself why you're doing something, and what that reason tells you about your heart. That's the thing God's really interested in. But don't get stuck in the snow thinking it all out. Get on with doing the stuff, and do it all for an Audience of One, regardless. I reckon hearts always change in the Presence of God anyway. That's always worth a snowy adventure, isn't it?